Getting bigger and hating it.

Carson is getting so big lately...
and I'm hating every minute of it! I love watching him learn and grow and become such a little man, and it makes me so proud to see him, but honestly at the same time it makes me want to cry! I love my kiddies at the age they are now! But the more I try and fight it the more it hurts. I'm trying to cope with it and embrace it rather than fight it...it's hard though and goes against everything I know!

My baby turned 4 in June...one more year until he's off to school and that will be a hard day for me! I'm trying to do everything I can to prepare him but mostly myself for that day while at the same time not taking this last year for granted. I've been trying really hard to make this last year so fun-filled and exciting (secretly I'm hoping that way he wont wanna leave me). It seems like just yesterday I found out I was finally preggers with him after trying for so long! Chris and I were over the moon...not to mention my mom as well! I remember I told Chris and nothing could wipe the grin off his face for weeks! My sweet boy has always been such a loving child. Always a cuddler, always wanting to give me hugs and kisses and tell me that he loves me. I dread the day that fades away. I pray it doesn't. Today I told him across the breakfast table that I missed him while he was sleeping and he held up the sign for "I love you" with his hands (because he was too busy eating his cereal) it melted my heart!

It seems like every day he and Lilliana and Landon are doing things to become more independent and I excitedly let them know each time how very big they are getting and how proud I am of them...but all the while I'm screaming inside "STOP IT! STAY LITTLE FOREVER!" I'm praying for strength and courage...but I'm also thinking another baby wouldn't hurt...

One track mind

Anyone else's husband have a one track mind?

Ha ha I know what you're thinking...but that's not what I meant. That is one of my biggest problems in my marriage, the fact that the hubs has a one track mind. In general a one track mind. It seems as if whatever happens to get stuck in that mind of his is the only thing he can focus on, whether it's the Jazz, work, school, dental applications, fantasy football, aggie sports in general, or Glenn Beck and the horrible state that our country is in...whatever it may be, I certainly feel like what its not is me or the kids, or working on our house, or caring about our finances...the list goes on.

We've been together for 8 years and it has always been the thorn in my side when it comes to our otherwise nearly perfect relationship! I'd have to say it is probably the biggest thing that urks me and drives me up the wall. The one thing that never fails to unleash my feiry latin anger and unyeilding nagging and guilt trips. Don't get me wrong I know, because he tells me every so often, that our family and the things that are important to me are important to him, but it's getting him to prove it with actions that is the hard part. It's not even that he doesn't want to do these things...he does, he's alwyas happy to help and to be involved. What drives me absolutely nuts is that I have to push him to action otherwise the thought rarely will even cross his mind.

My hubs would be so content to sit and watch TV all Saturday afternoon, if I ask him to do something with the family he happily will. I guess it's the fact that I have to push him to be interested or involved with those things that are important to me, otherwise while important to him, he thinks saying it and thinking it is enough.

I decided not too long ago that I was done fighting so hard. My problem is my pride and Chris's problem is his inability to multi-task or to take initiative. When we very first got married, well like a year into our marriage, I told him the secret to making me happy while getting what he wants, and Chris gave me the secret to making that happen on my end.

My Secret: I will happily let him go out with his friends, go out and play b-ball, golf, football whatever, spend time on the computer doing his fantasy football or looking up his aggie fan sites, watch Glenn Beck, play x-box whatever and he can do it all he wants and I'll get involved to and I'll do so with a huge smile on my face and love every second he's doing what makes him happy just so long as he learns to keep a balance and as long as while he's at home not doing those things he gives me, the kids, the house and whatever is important to me his full attention. (there in lies our problem)

His Secret: I have to remind him. Because, even my wonderfully cute hubby knows, what everyone else knows...he's got not only a one track mind but also a forgetful mind.

I fought this for so long because my pride told me that if I had to remind him to care about the important things to me while it came so easy to me to care about the important things to him than that must mean he doesn't love me as much as I obviously love him.

It took me a few years to finally decide about a year ago that my pride was getting in the way of my being truly happy by getting what I wanted all along.

So, finally we get to compromise. I sat down with my wonderful hubby and we discussed differnt things we could do, tricks, reminders whatever to help him to help me so that we could all around be happier! (that list will come soon...still testing them to see if they are working, but so far so good.)